Smile, though your heart is aching.

Today marks the twelfth year since an event changed the way I see life. I have very clear memories from this exact time of day, pulling into my parking spot at my school, getting a phone call on my giant old cell phone. I heard what he was telling me, but just wasn't processing it. For everything I believed in at the time, I just could not understand why someone would be taken from the world at our age. He had started flying a straight course and was turning into an amazing man with a big future. All to be snatched in seconds. 

After that moment I had days on end of coming home from work, sitting on the front lawn, and just staring at the lake that was across from our house. I searched for answers that were just not there. I saw lives change and hearts broken. A mother should never have to feel that deep sorrow that never leaves. It is then that I lost my sense of anything greater than us. That of course continued to evolve over the next few years, a story for another time.

Of course there was joy found within the loss. Families and friends getting together after time apart, consoling each other through awesome stories. I can still remember wearing yellow to the funeral, because I was celebrating. I was celebrating a guy that I knew my whole life and loved as a brother. I had the privilege of being part of their family, and the honor of knowing him. And for that I was grateful, and celebrating the life he had. 

All these years later people still tell their stories and everyone smiles for a few minutes. That time when we...., when he decided to...., his laugh, his hugs, his life. It's a day we face with heavy hearts, but as I sit here on my porch in total quiet, I can smile through the tears, thinking of how many lives he touched and how many smiles he is responsible for today.