Are you a C.C.C. too?

Yes, of course this is supposed to be the hap-hap-happiest time of year. It’s Christmas! The snow is falling(well, for many of us), the songs are playing, the fire is going. People are a little kinder to each other, the kids are all being on their best behavior, and love fills the air. But I always have a few thoughts that go through my mind to remind me that sometimes it’s not always the happiest time. Sometimes it can be downright depressing.

I am a C.C.C.. I always have been. I start off just fine, then before you know it the rain comes. I walk away, but find it hard to catch my breath. My mind swirls and I see flashes of my life. The day he made me spaghetti for breakfast. The day she yelled at my sister for coming home at 6am. The day she taught me how to play Pokino. So I leave it for another time, but I know I just have to jump back in there and get it done. How hard can it be? Read them and be done. Well, maybe another day.

A week or so goes by and I try again. I try to keep my eyes focused on the task at hand. But there I go again, finding it hard to not wander, and the emotions go into overdrive and the breathing becomes labored yet again. F this, I’m just going to send emails this year. I don’t like thinking of what I’m missing on Christmas, but it’s hard to ignore. I’m lucky to have lost very few people in my life, but those I have lost were most important.

So, that’s why I am who I am. And I’m sure some of you are the same way, even if you don’t have such a sad outward emotion as I do. I, Mama, am a C.C.C.. A Christmas Card Crybaby.





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